Tuesday, 5 June 2012

journal of an "Old flame IX''


''For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror. for he observes himself, goes away and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.''

This was the verse i read from scripture this morning before I stepped out of the house and i felt God was talking to me...finally!!!...but it seemed to pierce into my soul and I consoled myself that i was going to set things right when I was alone with Danny

True sweet fellowship with God was going to resume today. i could sense it, but the other side of me felt burdened and by the time i got into Danny's car, my walls crumbled and my gaze went to his neck, where his polo T-shirt was slightly opened enough for me to notice the small chain he wore.
by the time i raised my gaze to meet his, he smiled seductively and i felt hot all over
''hey...'' he stretched from his seat and planted a kiss on my lips softly
I knew i should pull back but i let myself drown once again in this feeling of ecstacy forgetting the prompting from the scripture i had read before stepping out
He broke the kiss himself and caressed my cheek, his eyes looking dreamy and longing, but he recovered immediately and we drove off  

                I knew I tasted rum when he kissed me but I pretended that everything was okay when he smiled down at me. His friends were present at the get-together party and so I had to postpone my conversation with him. He held me close like he possessed me and at that moment, I let myself feel cherished and loved by the “man of my dreams”
We all settled down to have a nice time and he introduced me to his friends who I guess were actually impressed by our relationship. One of his friends seemed to have caught my attention although I observed him surreptitiously. He and Danny seemed to have some sort of hidden code and when the drinks were being shared, he winked at Danny before passing him a bottle of Heineken. At that same moment, Danny’s hand slowly went to my back and I was glad I could stop him before he went further. It was then he looked at me again and planted a loud kiss on my lips
I looked back at his friend feeling very uncomfortable and I could see his eyes strolling over my body.
 I could hear that loud scream that I should leave them.

Right now!

But how could I, I loved Danny. Well I thought I did and I knew I did. I had loved him almost all my life. He was the first guy I had a crush on and had not gotten over. If I couldn’t get over a crush for more than seven years, then it was Love
I was feeling choked up and I knew I needed to excuse myself. I was glad the resort had a sophisticated restroom where I could go and think. The Heineken bottle handed over to me still felt chill in my hands and I knew I couldn’t drink. I had tasted rum, probably drank from Danny’s lips but I wasn’t going to allow myself to drink this. The last time I remembered taking alcohol was when I was eight and I wasn’t doing so again.What if I throw up and embarrass myself? How would I look before his sophisticated friends and their girlfriends? I didn’t want to be left out and so I placed the drink in Danny’s free hand and excused myself.
I stayed in the restroom for a while and tried to compose myself. I kept taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart and confused self. I looked into the mirror and I felt like I was looking at a different image. My face was looking so made up and I could see my cleavage. Bending over, I knew I could see more and I hated myself for it…
Was there any wonder Danny’s friend had that sultry look

I suddenly felt ashamed and afraid. I felt so insecure. My lips were so blood red and called attention and the hair on my head made me look like Rihanna. Oh I remember Rihanna and I never wanted to look like her. I had gotten over some certain secular music after God warned me. It took me years but I was doing well.
All I wanted to look like and Be like was ME..Loretta Moyosore Williams
“oh goodness!’ I muttered and I tried so hard not to cry so as not to soil my mascara. The girl I was before meeting Danny again could cry when she had the urge to and it actually relieved me so much to cry, most especially to God but now, I didn’t want to displease Danny.
I would soil my makeup and he wouldn’t be able to show me off.
I knew I had stopped being Lori Williams for a while now and some hidden part of me had taken over, manifesting itself in full force.
         Footsteps and male voices interrupted my thoughts and I wondered how and why they were coming towards the restroom. I heard Danny’s voice coming close and thinking he had come over to get me; I ran into one of the toilets and locked the door, taking caution to stand on the toilet seat so as to avoid being noticed or seen. It was after I stood on the seat I realized that I was in the men’s restroom.
Omg!!!...what could be worse?


  1. Men's restroom? Kaiiii.

    This girl seems to act younger than her age, as if she's in her early 20s.

    1. loool....dont mind her. i guess its the way she was raised and who knows...she was probably led there unconsciously for a reason..as you'll soon see..wink**

    2. Am sure she entered the men's restroom as a result of her confusion and the way she felt.

    3. as in...u got it perfectly clear!!!


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