Thursday, 31 May 2012

journal of an "Old flame VII

                                                              image source: google images

''what?'' i try to act calm and stroll back to my bed and stare blankly at my screen, pretending to get serious with my work when all i wanted to do was scream and yelp for joy..
omg!!!...was Addie right?!!!..was this how Love felt?,...could i be in love with Danny
if it was, then i felt myself drowning in a sea full of it, not wanting to be rescued
Temi brought me back to the present and came over to join me on the bed reaching for my phone but i was too fast for her
she grinned playfully and pointed a chubby finger at me. ''you know i'll always find out, if not now, then most definitely soon. so just save me the whole ordeal and tell me who's the lucky guy who finally gets my sister's attention?''
''will talk later Temi, but right now, i have loads of stuff to read.'' i sigh and put on my glasses. i hardly wore them but i knew they would conceal my emotions.
"ummm...ok oooooooo..'' she nods like a child and i almost spill the beans but i knew the response i was going to get if i told her Danny, my 7 years crush was asking me out for "just dinner" between adults(medical doctors) she would yell her head off and make sure she ruined everything like i was some teenage girl who needed her help or interruption in my life

It's Tuesday evening and i don't have a dinner dress, neither do i even know what to do and i feel myself shaking with excitement when He calls that he'll be coming over to my House to pick me. i ask Him where we're going and He tells me it's somewhere special.
I was glad when Temi said she was going back to Her husband's house today and Mum was having one of those weekday vigils and so Addie came to the rescue
she hands me one of those skimpy dresses and heels she goes shopping for and i shake my head in horror. ''there's no way i'm wearing that on my first date''
"well, do you have any other option?'' she sits me down before our dressing table and starts playing with my hair.
i raise the purple short dress again and she rolls her eyes at me. ''what's the point of you being a woman if you cant show all your curves?''
          I gulp. ''i'm not doing this Addie.'' i look down and continue. ''just do something about my hair and i'll get a good blouse and a decent skirt to go in.''
she looks at me directly through the mirror and bites her lip forcing herself not to get angry at me as i can tell.
"how old are you?'' i recognise the edge in her voice
''don't insult me.'' i frown
''well, i'm not going to.'' she replies and leaves me alone to face the mirror while she strolls over to the door. this is not the first time she'll play that stupid trick and i know i keep falling for it and i hate it but i glance at the clock on the wall and i know Danny would be here any minute
''k, i'm sorry, could you just help me out, please.'' i look like a desperate woman and i feel like crying.
Addie gloats and i can tell as she starts with my hair and by the time she's through, i cant even recognize myself in the mirror.
''i have a nice jacket to go with your gown.'' she rubs my hand tenderly after she's satisfied with my facial look and places it on the bed.
          It takes me 15minutes to change into the dress she's prepared for me and when i stroll to the living room, i can see her beaming. i'm surprised i can even stand without staggering on the strapped heels she had encouraged me to wear
"this gown is short, what if i sit?'' I asked. My spirit wasn't comfortable with this dress. i felt like i was exposed and was revealing everything on our first date. was this How i wanted Danny to see me?
I didn't have time to muse long before the bell rang and he was allowed inside.
his expression was unbelievable and i felt that leap of joy in my heart again. his eyes were transfixed on mine for a while before Addie interrupted and we went for our date
I had a great time but i just kept trying to adjust my gown. How in the world did a woman wear this outside and feel so relaxed and comfortable.
I think he noticed how uncomfortable i was while He was driving me back Home and his hand came to rest on my arm gently.
"i love your dress.'' he glances at my gown and lets his eyes stroll down.
That alarm rings in my head again but what he says next leaves my throat dry. ''and you have great legs.''
His lips curve into a smile and  he concentrates on the road when the traffic moves
''was i supposed to say anything?'' i panic and my hand goes to my jacket out of impulse and i button up. the next thing i don't want Him saying was How my cleavage was awesome!
when we finally got to a nice parking spot not far from my house, he turns off the car and looks at me in the eyes.
"did you run in secondary school?'' he asked 
"no, but i don't think i would have minded though.'' i try to ponder how good he was in changing the topic. I suspected He was trying to make me comfortable
His eyes went to my legs again. ''those legs need some sport.''
I smile and nod like a child. ''will think about it.''
"do you listen to radio. was thinking of making a request for you tonight.''
"omg!!!!..this wasnt happening to me, was it?!!!
Was i in some sort of dream because the evening was getting more romantic than i thought
I knew i should tell him i had stopped listening to some secular songs due to the Spirit's warning and partly because i didn't want to dwell on the past, of letting myself fantasize but i blurted out and betrayed the warning inside me.
"3doors down, Here without you.'' I sigh and smile at him.
"well...''his gaze finally comes to rest on my lips. ''i think you must have been reading my mind.''
            And before i can say anymore, i feel his lips on mine. i don't know who had initiated the kiss but this is my first Kiss and i feel too shy to go on. i think he senses it and he encourages me further and deepens it. we break free and i swallow as i feel his hands on my jacket. the buttons had come apart almost immediately and before i can say something else, he presses himself further
I can feel the alarm in my head and the red flag waving...and then i remember my V card(virginity) and I break free
"i'm so sorry.'' he apologises almost immediately and he settles back into his chair while i try as much as possible to smoothen what i had left of my dress. 
"i shouldn't have...''
"it's okay.'' that evil side of me was really growing wings and had wanted to continue till i had given everything to Him. it was amazing How my body responded to his whereas i had kept myself for this long telling myself i was strong and nothing could make me compromise or change my views and i wondered.
was this only what it took me to lose what i had kept for so long on my wedding night?
Danny smiled sheepishly then and nodded. 'i promise i won't let it go beyond that again except you want it to, and not even in a car..jeez!' he ran his hand over his hair and let out a sigh.

''you're a wonderful person Lori and i never knew i felt this way about you until tonight when i saw you in that lovely dress..., and your eyes'' he stopped to caress my cheek and i knew i had not gotten rid of the feelings i had for him all those years. 

                   I had only suppressed it.

And if not for self-control, I could have allowed him gain access to my life once again, ignoring everything else that mattered and giving him my soul, spirit and body

 ''let's do this again.' his hand slides to my arm and all i could do was nod dumbly.

He smiled and i knew i could melt at the desire in his eyes. ‘‘Let me drive you closer to the house so that i can watch you go in.''

He waves at me and i can tell he's watching me as i stroll back to the house. when i get to the door, i look back and i can see him waving from a distance. i wave back and remove the spare keys from my purse, as the gateman opens the door for me and i'm glad i'm not within his scrutiny anymore.
i hurry into the house through the back door, and i turn on the lights just to see Temi sitting in the kitchen staring back at me, first, i can tell it's shock at what i'm wearing and secondly at the time when she looks up
1 am
I'm not ready to face any argument or any form of preaching or scolding and so i pick up my heels and head for my room hoping she wouldn't follow me.

BTW!!!...what in the world was she doing back here, i thought she had gone back to her husby's house?smh!!!

Temi surprises me and doesn't and i'm glad but i feel worse and i'm beginning to think it might have been better if she actually said something
my phone beeps and and i see Danny's number. i pick his call and sink into the bed.
"hey..'' he greets with his husky tone and my mind flashes back to our kiss in his car
''ummm.'' i mumble already daydreaming again
''i got through to the radio station and i made a special request for you. your song should be the next.''
Out of excitement, i giggle over the phone and hurriedly tune to my favorite station where he left his romantic note and i listen as a text is read on my behalf.
"you bring the spark to my life and you're beautiful...'' from Danny to my girl Lori..the host of the show reads. ''and this is for you Lori, Here without you by 3doors down, i hope you think of me when you listen to this song.''
i held myself from spilling out the words.. 'i Love you" on the phone when i heard he had adressed me as "his girl...''
''sweet dreams babe. i'll call you tomorrow''
''you too.'' i manage to say and hang up just to fall back into my bed with a great sigh
I felt like i was in cloud 9, and i wanted to remain there forever

Saturday, 26 May 2012

journal of an "Old flame VI"

''you don't like me that much...'' Temi frowned slightly and glances at me. "you think i'm a Kill Joy.''
"i never remembered saying that..." Addie pouts her lips and rolls her eyes and i wonder how much maturity the girl displays outside
"need i remind you?''
She mumbles something to herself and walks out of the kitchen. Temi doesn't stop her, rather, she ignores her and comes closer to me to embrace me briefly. before releasing me, she kisses my cheek and i remember how much i love my sister(though she's married now) and how much i had missed her
      I felt like telling her about everything that happened today but instead i pass her the brown potatoes i had fried.
she slips one into her mouth and thanks me, looking around the kitchen
"How's Fisayo?'' i ask
"traveled.'' she replied bluntly. ''you on call today?''
she nods and settles on the chair. thats when she breaks the news to me. ''i have a wedding to plan next week and I'll need your assistance.''
I summarized the whole situation for Her. '' you're staying over and you need me to keep you qualms.''
''even with your schedule?'' she looks at me with doubt in her eyes.
''with the both of us in the same room, i know i have to start living like a woman and rearrange stuff but it's okay...''
"a twenty eight years old lady living like a teenager...'' she shakes her head at me. ''one would think you and Addie were from the same mother.' she glances back to see if our cousin is totally out of range and whispers.."for how long has she been here?''
''a month and a half. she just returned from the States and she thought she could come by and say Hi.''
''i don't feel too comfortable when she's around...''
''well, now that you're back in OUR house...'' i emphasize. ''you'll just have to stick by the rules.''
she looks a little lean and more quiet than usual and i suspect it has something to do with Her newly wed husband Fisayo but i don't probe her. if Temi was the sister i grew up with, she'll come around. if not now, soon
That night, i could hear her giggling over the phone and for hours,(with Fisayo) she talked and talked and kept repeating the words.."oh baby'' and i couldn't feel more miserable and lonely knowing she had this perfect married life(2 years) and i just slept on my bed with my furry bear cuddled up next to me thinking of when God would finally look down on me and give me someone who could love me the way Fisayo loved my sister to the core

              It's one week Temi's been at our place now and she makes breakfast when I'm on night call(which makes me more relieved)
some days, i don't even come home at all. thats how busy my schedule is. 
The irony about my life is that it's on days like this that i find time to appreciate God's little miracles and the life he's given me. I deliver babies from their mother's womb and i see the joy on their faces when they look at the crying child covered in blood. They're not repulsed by the sight of blood, but they're relieved and happy, thanking God for sparing their lives to deliver such. i've seen some women lose their lives over delivery through caesarian section and I sigh, knowing it won't be the last i witness.
I see those sickle cell patients going through severe pain and i know i can never know how it feels when they cry out in pain because i can never be in their shoes.
I succeed in shutting out things like this from my mind and move on in life. Addie's a chatterbox and so she keeps me company and she comes over to pick me for lunch sometimes. she goes shopping without me because she thinks i have a bad taste in clothes but we do everything else together
         I see Temi on days when 'm not on call(days i go home) or off days and we do our bible study together, relishing the fact that we could still fellowship together.
Tonight was a different night though and the wedding she had been planning for was finally going to arrive and we had most of the stuffs in my room.
we were on my bed together and she had just finished talking to her hubby on the phone while i lying down to read the new articles on Health issues sent to me by a colleague on my laptop when my phone rang
I looked at the time.
I could see the digits displaying on my phone screen but no caller ID and i wondered
who would be calling me at this time of the night?
I knew it couldn't be those cheapskate callers(those ones called at midnight) and i was wondering if it was one of those random callers that called and Temi and I would waste their credit.
she looked at me if she was saying..."well, pick up the phone and if it's a random caller, we'll have fun as usual.''
''hello'' i reply dully. i wasn't in the mood for random callers tonight
"hey Lori..'' the voice greets
I gulp as my heart began racing faster than normal. omg!!This can’t be. I  sat petrified. That voice..ooohhhhhhhh that sonorous voice I’d long to hear for many years. Even if it was just to call me because he thought of me and not because he wanted something

i hated myself for remembering how good his voice sounded or how i melted just thinking of him..., that delicious feeling of......

Temi came close to me but with a worried look on her face.

"well, who is it?’ she mouthed 

''hello?' he asked after the brief silence. Words escaped out of my head and i had to stand up from the bed to move far away from my sister or any distraction that was going to make me blab rubbish. i raised a hand to tell Temi it was okay and before i knew it, i was in the bathroom sitting on the bathtub

‘‘What’s up'’ I asked due to fear. Delicious fear that after all these years, could it be that Danny Olawaye calling me even when i wasn't the first to call just to say something about class

Strictly about class

''hey, i like your voice.'' he says smoothly over the phone. If he liked my voice, then i was crazy about his baritone.

"thank you.' I squeaked

''we haven’t spoken since that day we met at the mart. I told you i was gonna call but y'know work and all.’’ he paused and when i didn't say anything he continued. 'i was doing some work at home and i thought of you. crazy right?'

'yeah..i guess so.' i laughed, my defenses already melting. i had no walls anymore. Everything came crumbling down.

He thought of me. he really did.

"i  got this CD that day we met and when i started listening to it, i remembered how we met again after so many years. I mean we didn't even have the time to talk or say much and i was thinking, why don’t we go out sometime, maybe for lunch or dinner. How busy are you?''

"very busy."

          ''so, there's no way you could squeeze some little time for me?'' this time his voice was sounding husky and i knew there was no way i could resist him anymore. Was he doing this on purpose?

           Today was Friday night 
"I'm free for Tuesday.''
"I like that.'' he replies. ''i'll call you.''
''k.'' is all i can say and i realize he's waiting for me to hang up before he does
omg!!...i hold the phone close to my chest... ''could this be real, could this be happening to me?'' i sigh
I head for the door and open it just to see Temi standing right in front of me..........

Thursday, 24 May 2012

journal of an Old Flame V


              Addie enjoys tormenting me!!!
I know she does and i feel i can do something about it but i don't want to
is it me or the way i was built or rather, created
i told her half of the story and i can see her looking at me like i was crazy when i told her it's just merely infatuation
......ohhh how i hate it when she uses the 'F' word with me. i'm censoring her language for the sake of my journal
"you call that infatuation?!!!" she looks at me with that "duuuh?!!!'' look and i'm like STHU(shut the hell up)...i gave up the F word a long time ago myself.
"well, what else can it be?'' i try as much as possible to concentrate on the sweet potatoes i'm frying.
"you've been in love with that Hot guy for let me see...she raises her eyes to the ceiling and does some sort of stupid count which irritates me the more and looks at me..."more than seven years now...''
''i don't think so.'' i try to tell myself more than her
"well, the way i'm seeing things, if you don't make a move, you're gonna remain a virgin till God knows when...'' she lets her eyes stroll down my body and takes a swig of bottled water.
i was about to say something when she raises her hands to me.."and please...not that bullshit talk of.."she mimics me.."i want to remain a virgin for my future husband and God wont be pleased if i have sex outside marriage''
            I feel hurt but i dont show it. i just try and remain calm and dish the brown potatoes.
I think she notices it. she's been with me for that long and so she comes close to me, turns off the gas and holds my face.
"I love you Moyo..'' she brings her face close to mine and at first i dread that she's going to do something funny but she hugs me instead. '' and i hate it when you settle for less or feel like you don't deserve someone like this Danny guy. lets make Seyi eat her words.
seyi was one of my friends in school who had hurt me real deep. sometimes, you hurt people with your words and you don't know till the truth slaps you in the face. Seyi's one of the people i remember before writing my Old flame journal. 

         She had been seeing this cute guy from a different school and she had been all over Him. my spirit didn't just agree with Him the first time i saw Him and He had some kind of "wandering eyes"...i know i'm not a relationship detector but i know when someone smells fishy. i thought it was just a fling and since we were roomates back in medical school and we attended the same fellowship, she was one of my close friends at that time and so i told her to take things easy
and then the next thing i'll hear is she was getting serious with this anonymous guy. i' gonna tag Him ''X'' cos even remembering His name makes me angry.
i try telling her to take it easy but she tells me she feels God is leading her into this relationship and they were soon going to get engaged.
and then the most dreadful thing happens and i hate it when i remember it cos i'm like why didn't i break his nose or his filthy hands to serve as a reminder?
he comes to our room one afternoon when i least expect Him and when Seyi had choir rehearsals(this usually lasted for about 2hours or more)..i'm sure the Pig would have known and so he felt it was the right time to make His move
         I was in shorts and a long Mickey mouse Tshirt draped over the shorts making me look i wore nothing underneath and he had caught me unaware
"Seyi's not in.''i had told him politely with that fake smile i had learned to plaster on my face. for my friend's sake, i tolerated Him
"can i still come in?'' he smiled seductively and i felt my Red light flashing. i ignored it..i was probably imagining things.Guys hardly looked my way anyway so i shouldn't get myself flattered..i warned myself
"sure.'' i replied. he had been to our room several times and so he entered easily removing his shoes and settling on his girlfriend's bed. i had completely forgotten my laps were exposed and Mr wandering EYE had already started feeding his flesh to it.

Red lights flashed again and i wished i had thrown something on...better than the shorts i was wearing but i just wanted to feel relaxed and it was a girl's hostel anyway
the room was quiet for a while and i placed my earplugs in my ear, picked up my jotter and continued my reading on my bedside table trying as much as possible to ignore the guy and avoid him from looking further at my legs and so i face the window.
at least, all He will be able to see would be my clothed back
but before i know it, i feel hands going up my thigh and hands already up my Tshirt...right on my stomach

I jerked off my chair and my phone, jotter and earplugs go crashing on the floor

I look at him waiting for a good explanation...Silly me, when i should have satisfied my shaking hands by giving him two hot sound slaps but i was still thinking of Seyi (my roommate)...if only she was thinking the way i had been thinking about her, then we might have still been friends now
"c'mon baby, don't try and ignore the chemistry between us..'' he comes closer to me and out of impulse, i raise my textbook in defence...
Smh!!! that could keep him away
''you have a girlfriend!;;i blurted out. ''a fiancee!!!''
''you said fiancee, not wife...''he licks his upper lip as his eyes strolls to my legs again and i feel like throwing up. How could my friend stoop so low to date a fool like this...talkless of marry Him
"aren't you afraid i might tell her?''
"and hurt her feelings...i know you too well to try and break your friend's heart knowing pretty well i'm the world that revolves round her. you may look quiet and complicated on the outside, but right inside there, i know what you look like. Seyi talks a lot about you y'know and she believes me more than you and so you've got yourself in a box sweetheart''
"get out!'' i yell at him, rolling my eyes at Him and making sure i slam the door loudly behind Him.
i had felt so ruined and destabilized. what was i going to do.i had to tell Seyi. she couldn't marry a Male prostitute!!!, a Proud one at that...ohh how i wish i had done something more that day!!!
well, to cut the long story short, i told her and she looked at me like i was telling one of those cinderella stories where Cinderella doesn't even have a fairy godmother and so where can she get her dress and how will she even get the prince in the first place

There were No glass slippers!!!
There were never glass slippers!! that's how my story sounded in her ears

''why don't you believe me?'' i ask looking at her trying not to shout at her or Hit some perfect sense into her
she looks up at me then and her eyes strolls over my body in a "duuhh..what-do-you-have- that- i don't have'' kind of way and shakes her head.."i find it hard to believe he'll make a pass at you. i mean...#she laughs briefly#...c'mon babe!!'re not just the type..i offense but...''
but she didn't have to say more. the chill down my spine was enough to make my tongue go dry and i knew i had never felt insulted all my life. Her look had done the major part but her words had struck the dagger right in, and she didn't leave it there, she turned it so that she could see me bleed
it was then i wished i had knocked her head and her boyfriend's heads together like coconuts!!!SMH

It didn't take long before I heard about "X's downfall and i really felt satisfied. I was no longer her roommate but when i heard the gist, my heart did that joyful leap and i gloated inwardly. i knew she cried. she wasn't even herself for days and sometimes she hardly came to class. she had to repeat a whole year in medical school and i acted like i didn't know her.
i knew i should have relaxed but i just wasn't going to. she was eating her words and i wanted her to come to me and apologize but she didn't. instead, she soaked herself in her newfound misery with her other friends and i watched her like a tragic movie only i wasn't the One crying.
              She was
I felt terrible at one point but the evil side of me wanted to justify everything and keep the Holyspirit silent.
I had never felt so evil till now...all my life..and when i remember it all, i feel i have to look for her and tell her i'm sorry for everything...i might not have been at fault, but she was my friend
well, that was How our friendship ended
"do you guys mind telling me what in the world is going on?'' Temi's voice interrupts our embrace and Addie release me almost immediately and smiles sweetly
"Nothing Auntie....''

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

journal of an "Old flame" IV

I was only Eight years old then but i remember quite clearly all the stuffs i did with Addie but there were two that really shook my world. Thats what i feel like writing anyway and so i dont care if the other side of me wants to forget it and move on. i have moved on...No doubt but i reflect and i'm like gosh!!!...what if i had grown up alone with Her, what would i have turned to
Date?....nahhh...i hate dating my journals, they make me go through all my old calenders and i feel worse.
Is a journal meant to make you feel better, or act like a companion?
i'll stick with the latter, don't even have many friends
         I was introduced to Addie as my cousin a year before i clocked eight and at that moment of the introduction, i knew there would be a day i would be asked to spend a long series of holiday over at their place especially since Temi had gone to the boarding House at that time. Temi's education was quite earlier than mine and i wasn't envious. i just felt she was a genius and thought like one.
as for me, i don't even leave my bed organized for once and clothes hang about my room like a boy's locker room.

         Addie and i were alike in those terms but she took hers on the high side. she acted like a cat sometimes and eating like a mouse is an understatement.
i lived with her family for a month while my parents had their disagreement ish and she became my best friend and cousin at that time of my life. i was the quiet one, and felt propelled to do what i was supposed to do. she was the only child and so she could afford to be rebellious to her parents.
to me, i had seen her as a spoiled child who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth
the first thing i remember her doing was sneaking into the liquor room to get something. i was so young then and so i wasn't sure what she was up to and so i pretended to be watching Tv, but that was before she headed straight to the kitchen in the fridge and brought out a bottle of fanta. she took one for herself and gave me one.

''thank you.'' i greeted. it wasn't a strange thing that she had access to everything in the fridge and she could make a choice.
i wasn't given such liberty at my House. just one look from my parents and i would go scrambling to my room
i noticed she held another bottle.
"Calyp.......'' i squinted my eyes to get a good look at the bottle but she blurted out confidently. ''Calypso. it's a coconut drink.'' she poured her drink into a glasscup and added some of the strange coconut drink into her fanta
"it looks funny sort of.'' i replied doubting her reply especially when i could sense she wasn't totally honest with me
"well, why don't you have a taste and tell me what you think?'' she took a large gulp of her drink from the glasscup and i can tell she's been doing this for a long time
i shake my head without uttering a word. i must have looked like a dumb child back then
''c'mon! its not like i'm giving you poison.'' she smiles at me and hands me the rest of her drink. i have a very sharp nose and so at t slight scent of something pungent, i give it back to her.
she pushes it back into my hand. ''c'mon Moyo!!!just a sip and you'll see i told you so. it's delicious''
I inhale deeply and take a sip as she says. its a little sharp on my tongue and i forget the taste of Fanta for a while. she pushes the drink further down my throat and i keep drinking, almost lost in some form of ecstasy!having a peppery feeling afterwards...i had never felt that way before and i keep drinking till i can see the end of my glass.
"wow!'' i sigh licking my lip half consciously and smiled at her. she smiled back at me like she's initiated me into some form of group and from there, we graduated to Schanpps. that day was horrible because it started with a small cover and then i took like four caps of the strong alcoholic drink and i stopped seeing clearly.
everything looked blurry and i closed my eyes, trying to open them again just to feel myself stagger.
I could hear Addie laughing and i laughed with her too. it was fun at first. we drinking the forbidden drink and laughing and having the fun i'd never had with Temi.
it was an exciting new experience and i felt like floating, but i did the opposite of that and fell to the floor

I woke up to hiccups. oh gosh! how i hated hiccups! and i realized Addie's parents were back and she had cleared everything. they didn't suspect anything but they were partially worried about my hiccups. i was too ashamed to look at them in the face and they didn't sense anything wrong with that either
How could parents be so ignorant and non chalant, couldn't they smell anything?
it was later i found out Addie had told them some form of lie and she had covered up my mess.
she said i threw up a little. just a little, she emphasized.
that girl was doing things that were more matured than her age and i hoped she wouldn't get worse
as for now, she has mellowed on the drinking but still takes one or two at times.
i worry for her and i pray for her

The second thing she introduced me to was cigarretes. she had returned to the house excited about something and then leading me to her room upstairs, she brought out the brand of cigarettes with a lighter.
i remembered that particular brand because when we watched our favorite soap operas like "Lady of The Rose", "Wild Rose" and "The Rich also Cry", they always advertised it with that Lighthouse family song i had fallen in love with years ago, even when i was unaware of the lyrics.
''Tobi gave it to me.'' she whispered excitedly and turned on the lighter while all i could do was watch dumbly. (Tobi was the boy living next door and a rebellious one for sure)i knew it was meant only for adults and she had probably seen what her Father did but that evil side of me wanted to relish the fact that i put that cigarette stick on my lips, saw the smoke coming out from the other end and then my mouth. i knew i had to inhale...i knew that by watching too much of TV but reality was right before me.
She took a puff and coughed a little. she recovered almost immediately and passed it to me watching me as if to say..."don't disappoint me Moyo.''
i took a puff and thought i would choke and probably collapse on the floor but i surprised myself and took a short puff. holding the stick within my fingers made me feel like an adult and a bold one. something in me was awakening, growing wings. wings i could never grow when i was with my family or in my class sitting in my class like a docile human being. i felt like running and i felt so on top of the world.

It was then i realized there was something more to the cigarette than i had thought.

Addie never told me till today and i know i've never taken weed before in my life to detect if that was what was mixed in our supposed-to-be cigarrete brand but i knew what it made you feel. that thing i smoked had made me feel happy like i was on opium. i felt what i had never felt before in my life but it was short term but ohhh!!! was as if i was flying, like i was in that my favorite cartoon..Carebears!!!....where the clouds carried them or rather they lived in the clouds
"we're home.'' Addie announces and breaks into my thought. i park the car and sigh. she stretches over and picks the grocery nylons from the back seat and smiles at me mischieviously, eyes twitching.
"we have the whole day to ourselves honey..., and so better start getting ready to fill me in on some of that your stale gist.''
she gets down from the car and leave me to my thoughts.....

Saturday, 19 May 2012

journal of an "Old flame" III


 His eyes widen in recognition but i just stare dumbly at him like someone who was deaf and dumb...everywhere felt like it had gone quiet and i could hear a BUZZ sound...
i held unto that....
''it's been 3 years after graduation" i remind myself and wish some sort of interruption would happen before i enter the ground. thats definitely going to happen after(which im sure of) he shakes his head and says a dreaded Line.."sorry, i thought i knew you from somewhere. Your face looks familair...and other stuff
''Lori?'' he cocks his head to look directly into my eyes. ''Lori Williams?''

             The mall seemed to have gone smaller at the full realization that HE remembered my name
Danny Olawaye!!! first and Only Crush in medical school and partially presently...Now..knew my  name, He actually remembered my name.
i  was glad i was black or else my face would have been as Red as a tomato
i squint my eyes and tried to say something
"anything!'' i yell in my head
"sorry?'' it was more of a question especially when my brain was still trying to boot
"Danny...'' he extended his hand. "Dan Olawaye..., your classmate in Medical school.''
"oh!'' i laugh to myself and He joins me to laugh.
How in the world did i fake that?!
"wow!...its been years...''
i nod dumbly hoping not to say something that would make me sound like a Fool
"you Look great!...' he shakes his head and i dont know if i imagined His eyes move to my left finger but i have sharp eyes, no doubt and i could tell at a glance what anyone was up to
i felt pathetic that He might see me as an unmarried woman at my age...thats if He knew but i just felt unsecure at that moment of my life
it was then i realized i might actually need those special prayers Grandmama was talking about
i was going to the Family Church this Sunday(Baptist Church)...that was actually where i had grown up before i moved into school, joined a different fellowship and started going to a Pentecostal Church(redeemed)
My parents didn't mind though

               Mom was just bothered i was beginning to look Anorexic(i developed bad eating habits in school due to my schedule and i didn't improve after school)
and Here Danny was telling me i look great while He looked. so.........#sweet sigh#...
i'm glad for one thing though, I have a mind where all this can go On
''you've really changed.'' He continued.."his gaze goes to my hair and he does that thing he does with his eyes. (NB...i noticed this after so many years of crushing on Him in school. But he hadnt done it to me then...He had done it to Angel)
My head snaps up at that realization and my reality Hits me in the face again.
and that was the Perfect Time for Addie to show up
"hey you..'' she nudges me from behind. ''someone's gone shopping without Me and the Trolley.'' she scolds playfully before Her eyes land on Danny
"whoa!> what have we got here...'' she mumbles into my ear and within me i pray desperately that Danny ignored her statement.
she'd been warned several times about Her tongue but she just wont give in. i was glad she didnt know about he crush thing, if not, Her big mouth would spill it all out
i grab her hand and even within my smile, i squeeze her hand tightly
''Hi...'' he greets her casually.
"Hellooo...'' she drawls flirtatiously and i cringed. where in the world did Addie learn that stupid dumb.....errrk move'' even i could do better
''yeah right.'' that annoying voice says inside of me. ''like you did for seven years without getting the guy and He's standing right before you and all you can do is smile and let your heart flap wildly like a bird in a cage'
''i act wisely.'' i tell myself
"Humor me..'' the voice retorts and i swallow and decided to walk away now
"Phew!!...thats all for today.'' i say loudly and grabbing the trolley from Her walked over to the counter knowing fully well she would run after me.
that was the good part of Her. Family first, especially when i knew she would have sensed something wrong in my mood change...

I arranged my things on the counter and was about digging into my purse when Danny had appeared so fast beside me and was bringing out his wallet.
"5,500 naira'' the girl at the counter spoke up and he rested his hand on my arm in a friendly gesture
"let me take care of it.'' he says and he hands her the money.
"you shouldn't have.''
''i should.'' he smiles softly at me and pays for his own groceries too.
all the while Addie stood there, watching me with a raised eyebrow and a playful smile on her lips and i knew i wasnt going to be free till i told her the whole story
 we stroll outside to where the car was parked. I had borrowed Mom's car and i wish i could get inside fast enough to breathe easily. but that was before He came up to me again.
"well?'' he looks at me questioningly
"what?''...i ask wondering if He expected me to pay Him back for the groceries He paid for
"your number...'' he brings out his phone. ''i lost most of my contacts when we left school and all.''
''oh right!...number..'; i give hm my digits, he flashes me and winks at me.
"i'll call you.'' he tells me before heading to his exotic ride.
"i wont count on it.'' i mutter to myself as i entered the car

Addie was quiet throughout the drive home and i felt a temporary sense of relief. i was trying to put my thoughts in order and keep those hidden memories of Danny away
                David's face shows up(the nice guy Temi set me up with last year and how i had been contemplating if i should move on with him or not and if he's God's will for my life.i know i should put the latter first but i don't know whats been happening to me lately. but at least that has made Grandmama relax on my case i guess)

I feel so ashamed of myself.
I thought it was over.
I thought i had moved on
I thought i was walking according to God's plan for my life and was happy
but why do i feel this dull ache in my heart longing and hoping for something i shouldn't
why do i feel i'm treading on dangerous but delicious grounds
the wicked flame was consuming me and i prayed silently. hoping today had been like every other day
as for the other side of me, it wanted that adventure
just like the adventure i had had with Addie in our childhood days
i wasn't proud of it but its been put behind us
 i think i'm writing about that next

To be continued>>>>.......................


Thursday, 17 May 2012

journal of an "old flame" II

He was probably going to marry his beautiful Angel and as for me, well, I’ll keep praying, that’s all I’ve got, and I had taken my faith real serious and was ‘’all for Jesus’’ I was keeping myself pure for him and was hoping that one day He would give me the man I deserved.
But my present story is taking a different turn and is the reason for my blast from the past. The way I see it, I’m sounded more obsessive but what I saw this afternoon triggered this and here goes…:close my eyes in silent prayer’’ with pen in hand and then I’m writing how I feel again

          it's been a while since i had you etched to my brain and i found it hard to let go.
even if it was just for a minute more but i guess every time i thought it was just a minute more i needed, it kept extending and oh!!how much i let it extend to years and years of hunger and pain.

        and then i realized something. i had to let you go. i let you go for a while and I'd never been happy all my life. it was one of those feelings of joy and happiness and swinging moments when its like you've been in a bondage all along and yet, you can just be free if you let yourself be free from moments of sadness, depression and longing for what you can never have

          i stared at the furry bear that i'd cuddled on the side of my bed and i realized i could still recollect things about you like your hair and your eyes. hair that looked like it didn't need a comb and will never need a comb. eyes that looked mystical and i wondered how God would look like if he could make eyes like yours. when you laughed, i thought i'd never seen anyone laugh as beautiful as you and when i sat down alone, i tried so much to suppress the thoughts of you but it came unbidden like a wicked flame that spread through wanting to consume everything till nothing was left and left me wanting more, looking like the hungry fool i was.

     i had stopped daydreaming for a while, but that was before today.

       something tells me it was love but deep down inside, i know i let my emotions take advantage of a careless one like me and i vow not to let that happen again   cant continue living my life like this. Can’t continue to allow your memories torture me, making me wish God would do something!!!

just anything!
 to make sure that we will be together
Dido's song croons over the radio in my head and I’m wondering…”how in the world did that happen”
"thank you" Dido sings..."for giving me the best day of my life...oh just to be with you..."
but did you really give me the best day of my life?...i wonder.
Dido was one of my best selection of music and i thought of you whenever she sang
but after i'd make up my mind and washed my tears for you away, i disposed of all her music and vowed never to sing it again
Adeola and I had gone to the supermarket together(Addie is my cousin.i love the short form better. Makes her sound cuter which she’s very far from. She’s one annoying girl who gets on my nerves almost everytime.
We were arguing about which Kellogg’s cornflakes pack to buy and she started giving me stupid reasons as to why I should choose one over the other, a particular reason being she was staying with us for a while. I sigh and ignore her and then bend down to pick up more biscuits for my junior cousins that come over during the weekend. I stood up just to see she had disappeared with the trolly
I fumed. WTH!!!...i was thinking of different ways to throttle her as I searched for her without looking and then so suddenly I bump into a solid chest and everything I was holding pours on the floor.
‘’oh bother!’’ I sigh without looking up and gathered my biscuits. I wonder how everyone must be looking at an adult my age scrambling to pack up the mess I’d just made.
“sorry’’ there’s a little catch in the voice and my heart skipped. I was probably imagining things but that was before the Individual bent down to help.
‘’let me help you with that.’’ I look up to my new found helper and I gasp absent mindedly
‘’no’’ I hurriedly say and keep picking my biscuits. ‘’where in the world was Addie when I needed her the most. I had to run away from here. Now!...right now!!

After all these years i'd taken that bold step of faith to release Him into the wind, after i'd moved on with someone wonderful and special to me, I see Danny Olawaye staring at me awkwardly packing spilled stuff from the floor.
Wow!...just what I needed in my life..smh! I wished this was a dream.
And I hoped I would yell to tell myself that….”hey, its time to wake up and get your ass to work!!’’
but i guess this time, it wasn't a dream...
it was reality
and just like the waves wash over the sea after a while of wanting and dryness, dido's song comes up in my head again but this time, it's a different song...
it sings sweetly and so clearly i hoped i wasn’t remembering it on purpose...

'i've still got sand in my shoes...and i can’t shake the thought of you....

TO Be continued>>>>>>................

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Lori's journal of an ''Old flame"....Journal 1

i sigh....nahhh
 I dont wanna do this....why in the world is this happening to me. after all these years.
I think im gonna start with Danny and then Seyi, do i miss her.....i dont
"sigh!....who am i kidding, i miss her. this journal should even start with her, of how we were so crazy during our childhood days and how you hurt me real bad
i hope i still have the heart to forgive you.....crap!!!!!
 wondering why im remembering these 2 people in my life, well i guess we're about to find out...sheesh!!!
whats wrong with me for goodness sake!!!
i have to write something, i really here goes!

 Blast from my past

        I guess before meeting the person I was gonna have a crush on, I was doing fine, oh believe me dear journal, pretty much and I don’t know if it was a crime I had that encounter.
Moving to the main campus was quite easy and I found it interesting, although I resumed late.silly me!..but I was glad i hadn’t missed much and no tests had been done. I had just had to make photocopies of handouts and all stuff and read overnight. I was going to be hanging out with friends from my secondary school except the ones who felt like forming. FAKE girls…smh!
        And then, the first day in class couldn’t have been boring. Cant go into details to tell you how boring it was and my eyes were roaming to meet my new acquaintances, most of whom I know I wouldn’t be having any conversation with and some of them, probably till I leave this school…(not adding anything useful to my life…shrugs***)and then I saw him, right there, sitting so separately from the other guys who deemed it fit to utter those silly words behind the lecturer’s back, make silly comments that would make us laugh and snicker. Sometimes I laughed especially when a boring class like this was going on but today, my laughter died on my lips when i saw him.
He wasn’t a geek, neither was he a nerd or something out of this world. He was opposite all of that!

He was perfect!
Was it the way he sat with a sort of calm air around him, a pen in hand on his notebook, his hands perfectly sculpted and his hair trimmed but combed so neatly I wished I could touch it. he was wearing a cool blue shirt and tie underneath a black sweater and his sideboard couldn’t be anything less I actually thought he looked like Brad Pitt and I felt myself swoon
Omg!...i was acting like an high school chick except that I was in the university and this was real and I believed I was getting old for this shit.
“hey!’’ Boma, my close friend nudged me out of my fantasy into reality and I blinked severally, so embarrassed that I had been caught. Most definitely because I hadn’t written anything where she could get a peek from and Mr. lawal had been talking for a while now
I could see her shaking her head and she glanced at my object of interest briefly before looking at me. ‘’I see you’ve met prince charming.’’
“Dan.’’ She continued. ‘’hot stuff.’’ She smiles and looks at me. ‘’doesn’t like talking much to people but even with that, he has some sort of interest in Angel.’’
WTH is angel’’ I think to myself but make a face at Boma.. ‘’hello, like i'm interested in people like him, smh’’
‘’good…, don’t be’’ she looks at me softly then like the friend that had gone to the same secondary school with me. Then we acted childish, now its time to act mature and decide what we want for our future.
‘’guys like that don’t last and they’re not good for you, not good for us.’’ She winks and slides her hand on my shoulder lovingly. ‘’I made a promise to aunt Temi to watch over her baby sister.’’
Temi is my elder sister and is just 2 years older. She was turning 21 that year while I was just 19 then and beginning my boring workaholic life, now I’m 7 years older
Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, I really do. Its what I live for but if I could finish from the college of medicine without a man in my life, then my aunties and older cousins thought there was something wrong.
Grandmama thinks I should be taken for prayers….laughs to self..
 I smile briefly and I hate myself for letting her catch me. If she could detect that I was swooning over him in class, how much more the other girls who sat around me.
It was then  I noticed that most girls were doing the same and even when they tried not to make it more obvious, it just made it worse.
And from then on, I tried to focus on what I had come over to school for. To study medicine.  Loretta Moyo Williams would make her parents proud and one day the guy of my dreams would just see me and swoon over me instead. Love me for whom I was and let this silly infatuation about this “super Dan’’ fade away
Well, I guess that was what I thought till my third year when we were having lab and we were grouped together. Alas!, I tried as much as possible to concentrate and tell myself he was seeing someone else and they were going out together but something inside just kept saying we could be friends instead and that would make the crush dissolve and so when we worked together, I tried to be as friendly as possible. Boma noticed but I guess she loved minding her business sometimes and I love her for it.

Afterall, I wasn’t a baby.

He would laugh softly sometimes and my knees would almost buckle, my spatula in hand, trying to put  the specimen on the microscope to observe what we were told to in biochemistry lab. We weren’t the only two in the lab but sometimes, I would steal a glance at him and see how girls surrounded him, talking with him, pulling at the tip of their hair while talking and go as far as laughing at some little jokes he said. Some would even hold his arm and I wished I could throttle them and tell them to take over. But I noticed that when he saw I was the only one doing the majority of the observation of specimens, he would leave the girls that attached to him like magnets and come over to offer all the assistance he could.
               And when he came close, I found it hard to breathe. He was taller than me, slim or is it lean they call it but he was well built. I could tell. Even with his lab coat on, he had a good posture and gait, one fit enough to be a model. What amazed me in his complexion was that he took care of his face well, no blackheads, no acne and he was fair. Not the kind of fair that could put you off but that fair colour that made one wonder, “do you reside in Nigeria at all?’’
‘’can you see anything?’’ he asked me. Even in a thousand years with him standing so close to me I could breathe in his cologne.(gosh, that angel girl must be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world!!!their kids would be going for photo shoot everyday…in the magazines and adverts.)
                In their case, brains and beauty seemed to have done them justice because they were on such good standing. He was like two steps behind me though but he was intelligent.
‘’still trying to focus the lens.’’ I muttered.
‘’let me help with that.’’ He says and before I can move, I freeze. His hands is partially on my shoulders and then so suddenly, its gone. It was then I realize he was trying to move me aside so as to get a look himself. I can see him turning the knob slowly like a professional and i jut watch waiting for him to tell me how successful my specimen had turned out to be.
Or had I done it wrong?
‘’hey Danny…., can you observe anything?’’ Jane purrs as she comes closer to me trying to push me aside. Oh the nerve on the girl. She hadn’t even done anything all day and here she was talking in her croaked voice because she wanted to draw Dan’s attention
He didn’t raise his head. ‘’not yet.’’
‘’okay.’’ She mumbles and keeps standing beside me, close to him
I develop courage and I ask. ‘’well?’’
‘’well what?’’ she rolls her eyes at me
‘’do you want to prepare the second specimen or stand here underutilized?’’
‘’I will do what I’m meant to do.’’ She snaps and turns her back at me.
“sure.’’ I cough. Doing what you do best Like adding so much makeup on your face you look like a clown
‘’is something wrong?’’ she asks
‘’could you excuse me?’’ I say briefly and not waiting for a response I push her away slightly and get busy with the second specimen. ‘’we have work to do than parade about’’
She ignores me and continues to stand there and I simply do the same.
Well, that and other silly chick tales happened I don’t wanna talk about in this new journal. I just wanna pour my whole heart into this, glad no one can see this except God and me. Temi cant see this anymore. She’s getting married and we’ve grown older than our fantasies, but this is no more my fantasy, its my reality and I really do wanna let go.
Temi got to know about my crush and we’d laughed about it In the past and she told me I was gonna get over it but after my third year and I still had the ‘’thing’’ lingering in my hand, she did what she could do for me. She deleted anything romance from my laptop and filtered my songs. Got rid of my Disney stickers in the room and made sure I avoided all those love movies that made me cry or wish I was appreciated.
      now i feel kinda sad cos that also went with our "rockstar" days
thats a gist for another day.....bummer!!!dont worry, you practically know everything in my mind
what am i saying..."you are MY mind...silly gal"
im not crazy...everybody talks to themselves once in a while, i suppose and im just writing down thoughts and not talking to the wall...
BuZZZZZ....hyperactivity!!>...darn you!!!...pls let me focus..thank you!!
I decided to have an haircut in my third year. A sign to myself that I was moving on. No more fantasies about Daniel Olawaye and no more silly daydreams and I wasn’t going to keep trying to impress him and go unnoticed anymore. It hurt so much I’d cried at night. Was it wrong to desire something so much and yet God doesn’t want you to have it and a very pretty girl called Angel who is way over her head gets the boy.

Well, good news, my story is not like those high school movies where the geek gets the cutest guy in school>>LOL..nah…mine ended in school without the guy and we went our separate ways. Even on graduation day, I didn’t sight him, wasn’t ready to. Didn’t want to. I had moved on and he was just a vague memory. The days when he’d smiled at me in a group talk and I’d thought I would get tachycardia was over and the days of our group reading was over. I had to endure silent pain whenever he called me to get up from bed and walk down to the class in the middle of the night, flashlight in hand to guide the way and I told myself he couldn’t notice me anymore. If he didn’t notice my haircut, the he could never notice me. I might try to convince myself otherwise, but I knew the truth and it came slapping me in the face.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Not a movie freak, but I just love good movies

 I love movies. 
Some of my friends have actually thought me an addict, while some have just stared wide eyed at me when I start the movie rambling talk
Some just simply take a chair and sit down to listen to the new movie im gonna gist them, but that’s not what I’m about to do. It’s a long summary and I may still have lots of movies I love and unmentioned but this is my Movie list and I won’t mind watching it over and over again.
I also love movies I could at least learn from
Oops!!!...lest I forget!!...i watched Avengers and Its in my list. I just don’t know where it should be. Should I displace my number one or what?....#scratching head..
Oh goodness, you need to see the Avengers!!!! was hotttttttttttttt and I give it a 9/10. Was it the emotion, the acting and the fight!!!!...gosh, the fight was steaming. I was at the edge of my seat and staring at the screen. And I screamed…oh boy!!!...i screamed!!!! And I couldn’t scream enough and I wasn’t high o….neither was I on drugs…I was just happy.
Robert downey(iron man)aka Tony stark
Chris Evans (captain america)
Jeremy runner(hawk eye)aka agent banton
Scarlett johansenn (black widow)aka agent romanoff
mark rufallo (incredible hulk)aka Dr.Bruce Bana...keep smashing
Chris hemsworth(thor of Asgard!...u rock!
LOkI...ummm bad guy...god of a good one from the HULK
am i leaving anybody out?
Well, that’s what a blockbuster could do to me.#biggrin# brings out the playful side of me and you’ll be like,….What?! is this the same girl I know….
As for LORD OF THE RINGS….dont worry, you’re not taking the back seat yet. You’re still a classic!

Hunger games” didn’t satisfy my hunger…oops..sorry, but twas aiit..

John carter!!!!!....i need to do more justice to that movie. Watching it once wasn’t just enough for me but it’s Disney now… the action was Whoa!!!!...and trust a little humor too”

I guess I just don’t know what number to put the above movies mentioned but I love them
Don’t worry, might keep you guys posted about the most anticipated movies of 2012. A new spidey is showing up and The Hobbit is still for December. May God keep us till then
Here goes my best movies of all time

20. Twin dragon
This movie was very hilarious courtesy Jackie chan. I might not be a devoted fan but I kept laughing at the twin switching and the martial arts. Believe me when I say Jackie’s good!!! in…real good with his skills

19.operation condor
Jackie again at his best but I do remember watching this over and over again just to recite lines with my brother and keep laughing. And I tell you I wont mind watching it again


18. Thor
Watched this last year and to be sincere with you guys, I was wondering in my mind when I saw the poster…like Who in the world will go to the cinemas and watch this especially when I had the comic one time like that(but didn’t really read it enough to judge..just saw a guy carrying something funny looking on his head and I knew he used a hammer)
But believe me guys when I saw this movie, I learnt something. Humility brings out the best in you.
Thor!!!...keep slamming your hammer down!

17. Real steel
i kept playing back d movie where the kid was doing his stunt till i was caught red handed but that didn’t stop me from loving a clean action packed movie filled with robot boxing
Hugh jackman did not disappoint me big time and what can I say when Steven Spielberg is one of the brains behind this awesome movie

a movie packed with celebrities and i wasn’t disappointed...
the good thing about it was that i didn’t know where they were coming from and where they were going when i first watched d movie and so i was caught off-guard by the action plus fantasy plus comedy

i keep watching this movie and keep laughing.. don’t know if they got me enchanted too..LOL

 with Zachary Levi and Mandy Moore in a duet, couldn't love this animation movie more
it should have earned more than enchanted(didn’t make much of a box office) but i guess as the name says..they probably got tangled up by Enchantments but i loved d effects and the songs.
Someone was wondering why I would go all the way to the cinemas to see this. It’s a cartoon for goodness sake, but I love good cartoons. Please don’t call me an agbaya o(LOL) afterall, it was adults who did the animation and stuff

13)...face off(1998)
"i want his face-oFF!" casto troy says

starring Nicholas cage and Travolta

12)...karate kid 2(1986)
i guess thats what jaden smith was trying to copy in the recent karate kid but it wasn’t just up to.i still love Daniel larusso…its an old movie but I’d prefer it any day any time



11) night with the king(2009)..
Made me see esther's story from a diff perspective


10)...The mummy (1999)
i fell in love with brendan fraser and rachel weisz in this movie...2 extremely different people motivated by different things and yet they have d same destination. The adventure was cool for me and the sand effects not excluding the greedy brother..LoL

9).The mummy Returns (2001)

it might not have been necessary to do a PART2 but they made it fit...REINCARNATION???!!!...who would have known!!!..loool


Liam neeson
"i'll find you...and i'll kill you"
the bad guy snorts"GOODLUCK!"
...."do you remember me...i told you i was going to kill you when i find you"

i dont know if i got it right but just take it as a paraphrase..
they kidnapped this guy’s daughter and he took a bold step of faith and went in search of his daughter. I bet you he brought back that girl, but with a broken arm.
my head sparked and i felt like i was in LIAM's shoes and i was going to get each one of them..i introduced it to my friends and they loved it...twas a great muvie!!!

7)...jingle all the way(1996) a Christmas story courtesy Arnold
Schwarzenegger and Sinbad
"its turbo tiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmeeeeee!!!


6)...john Q
"you've gotta do something doc!
i still don’t know why denzel and Kimberly elise didn’t get an Oscar for this!...cant remember if I cried but it touched me real deep!!

5)indiana jones...
starring Harrison Ford in all four

4)so many movies competing for this space

3)...sound of music(1965)
I love Julie Andrews. That woman is a classic. Governess Maria who later became a Von trap family member. So many songs…eg I am sixteen going on seventeen, favorite things, Do Re Mi, the hills are alive with the sound of music!!! And so much more I still sing till date. For me, it gets a 10/10 

Me singing.."edelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me, small and bright, clean and bright, you look happy to meet me....etc"

2)it’s a wonderful life(1946)
Warning!....this movie is in black and white but ohhhhh!!! I loved this movie. It teaches so much lesson and its still one of America’s inspirational movies but ignore the old school and watch it.

1)...A walk to remember(2002)
 starring Mandy Moore and Shayne West
this movie made me weep like a baby when i first saw it and especially when i knew it was based on a true life story. I’m not a fan of Nicholas sparks(message in the bottle, notebook, the last song etc) but when I saw it was written on behalf of his sister who was dying and the guy who still loved her enough to marry her, I sobered!
i wasnt myself for days
beautiful acting and real chemistry...wonder why they were not nominated for a big award or something
i think they're bribing those acacdemy award ppl..hmmmph!
I have so much more, could even reach a hundred but I just wanna curb it to this point cos I wanna see ur own movie likes too….on a count of 10 or more if you have..lets share, laugh, compare and have fun.

NB...Terminator and spiderman3 should be in the list but i guess that explains the number 4 blank space that i left.
i stole some of the posters from Movie reveiews blog(Tlag)***he's my paddy and so i guess i'm allowed. now if you think i love movies, try visiting his blog and you'll see i'm just a quarter of what he watches...