journal of an "Old flame VII

                                                              image source: google images

''well?''

''what?'' i try to act calm and stroll back to my bed and stare blankly at my screen, pretending to get serious with my work when all i wanted to do was scream and yelp for joy..

omg!!!...was Addie right?!!!..was this how Love felt?,...could i be in love with Danny

if it was, then i felt myself drowning in a sea full of it, not wanting to be rescued

Temi brought me back to the present and came over to join me on the bed reaching for my phone but i was too fast for her

she grinned playfully and pointed a chubby finger at me. ''you know i'll always find out, if not now, then most definitely soon. so just save me the whole ordeal and tell me who's the lucky guy who finally gets my sister's attention?''

''will talk later Temi, but right now, i have loads of stuff to read.'' i sigh and put on my glasses. i hardly wore them but i knew they would conceal my emotions.

"ummm...ok oooooooo..'' she nods like a child and i almost spill the beans but i knew the response i was going to get if i told her Danny, my 7 years crush was asking me out for "just dinner" between adults(medical doctors) she would yell her head off and make sure she ruined everything like i was some teenage girl who needed her help or interruption in my life

It's Tuesday evening and i don't have a dinner dress, neither do i even know what to do and i feel myself shaking with excitement when He calls that he'll be coming over to my House to pick me. i ask Him where we're going and He tells me it's somewhere special.

I was glad when Temi said she was going back to Her husband's house today and Mum was having one of those weekday vigils and so Addie came to the rescue

she hands me one of those skimpy dresses and heels she goes shopping for and i shake my head in horror. ''there's no way i'm wearing that on my first date''

"well, do you have any other option?'' she sits me down before our dressing table and starts playing with my hair.

i raise the purple short dress again and she rolls her eyes at me. ''what's the point of you being a woman if you cant show all your curves?''

          I gulp. ''i'm not doing this Addie.'' i look down and continue. ''just do something about my hair and i'll get a good blouse and a decent skirt to go in.''

she looks at me directly through the mirror and bites her lip forcing herself not to get angry at me as i can tell.

"how old are you?'' i recognise the edge in her voice

''don't insult me.'' i frown

''well, i'm not going to.'' she replies and leaves me alone to face the mirror while she strolls over to the door. this is not the first time she'll play that stupid trick and i know i keep falling for it and i hate it but i glance at the clock on the wall and i know Danny would be here any minute

''k, i'm sorry, could you just help me out, please.'' i look like a desperate woman and i feel like crying.

Addie gloats and i can tell as she starts with my hair and by the time she's through, i cant even recognize myself in the mirror.

''i have a nice jacket to go with your gown.'' she rubs my hand tenderly after she's satisfied with my facial look and places it on the bed.

          It takes me 15minutes to change into the dress she's prepared for me and when i stroll to the living room, i can see her beaming. i'm surprised i can even stand without staggering on the strapped heels she had encouraged me to wear

"this gown is short, what if i sit?'' I asked. My spirit wasn't comfortable with this dress. i felt like i was exposed and was revealing everything on our first date. was this How i wanted Danny to see me?

I didn't have time to muse long before the bell rang and he was allowed inside.

his expression was unbelievable and i felt that leap of joy in my heart again. his eyes were transfixed on mine for a while before Addie interrupted and we went for our date

I had a great time but i just kept trying to adjust my gown. How in the world did a woman wear this outside and feel so relaxed and comfortable.

I think he noticed how uncomfortable i was while He was driving me back Home and his hand came to rest on my arm gently.

"i love your dress.'' he glances at my gown and lets his eyes stroll down.

That alarm rings in my head again but what he says next leaves my throat dry. ''and you have great legs.''

His lips curve into a smile and  he concentrates on the road when the traffic moves

''was i supposed to say anything?'' i panic and my hand goes to my jacket out of impulse and i button up. the next thing i don't want Him saying was How my cleavage was awesome!

when we finally got to a nice parking spot not far from my house, he turns off the car and looks at me in the eyes.

"did you run in secondary school?'' he asked 

"no, but i don't think i would have minded though.'' i try to ponder how good he was in changing the topic. I suspected He was trying to make me comfortable

His eyes went to my legs again. ''those legs need some sport.''

I smile and nod like a child. ''will think about it.''

"do you listen to radio. was thinking of making a request for you tonight.''

"omg!!!!..this wasnt happening to me, was it?!!!

Was i in some sort of dream because the evening was getting more romantic than i thought

I knew i should tell him i had stopped listening to some secular songs due to the Spirit's warning and partly because i didn't want to dwell on the past, of letting myself fantasize but i blurted out and betrayed the warning inside me.

"3doors down, Here without you.'' I sigh and smile at him.

"well...''his gaze finally comes to rest on my lips. ''i think you must have been reading my mind.''

            And before i can say anymore, i feel his lips on mine. i don't know who had initiated the kiss but this is my first Kiss and i feel too shy to go on. i think he senses it and he encourages me further and deepens it. we break free and i swallow as i feel his hands on my jacket. the buttons had come apart almost immediately and before i can say something else, he presses himself further

I can feel the alarm in my head and the red flag waving...and then i remember my V card(virginity) and I break free

"i'm so sorry.'' he apologises almost immediately and he settles back into his chair while i try as much as possible to smoothen what i had left of my dress. 

"i shouldn't have...''

"it's okay.'' that evil side of me was really growing wings and had wanted to continue till i had given everything to Him. it was amazing How my body responded to his whereas i had kept myself for this long telling myself i was strong and nothing could make me compromise or change my views and i wondered.

was this only what it took me to lose what i had kept for so long on my wedding night?

Danny smiled sheepishly then and nodded. 'i promise i won't let it go beyond that again except you want it to, and not even in a car..jeez!' he ran his hand over his hair and let out a sigh.

''you're a wonderful person Lori and i never knew i felt this way about you until tonight when i saw you in that lovely dress..., and your eyes'' he stopped to caress my cheek and i knew i had not gotten rid of the feelings i had for him all those years. 

                   I had only suppressed it.

And if not for self-control, I could have allowed him gain access to my life once again, ignoring everything else that mattered and giving him my soul, spirit and body

 ''let's do this again.' his hand slides to my arm and all i could do was nod dumbly.

He smiled and i knew i could melt at the desire in his eyes. ‘‘Let me drive you closer to the house so that i can watch you go in.''

He waves at me and i can tell he's watching me as i stroll back to the house. when i get to the door, i look back and i can see him waving from a distance. i wave back and remove the spare keys from my purse, as the gateman opens the door for me and i'm glad i'm not within his scrutiny anymore.

i hurry into the house through the back door, and i turn on the lights just to see Temi sitting in the kitchen staring back at me, first, i can tell it's shock at what i'm wearing and secondly at the time when she looks up

1 am

I'm not ready to face any argument or any form of preaching or scolding and so i pick up my heels and head for my room hoping she wouldn't follow me.

BTW!!!...what in the world was she doing back here, i thought she had gone back to her husby's house?smh!!!

Temi surprises me and doesn't and i'm glad but i feel worse and i'm beginning to think it might have been better if she actually said something

my phone beeps and and i see Danny's number. i pick his call and sink into the bed.

"hey..'' he greets with his husky tone and my mind flashes back to our kiss in his car

''ummm.'' i mumble already daydreaming again

''i got through to the radio station and i made a special request for you. your song should be the next.''

Out of excitement, i giggle over the phone and hurriedly tune to my favorite station where he left his romantic note and i listen as a text is read on my behalf.

"you bring the spark to my life and you're beautiful...'' from Danny to my girl Lori..the host of the show reads. ''and this is for you Lori, Here without you by 3doors down, i hope you think of me when you listen to this song.''

i held myself from spilling out the words.. 'i Love you" on the phone when i heard he had adressed me as "his girl...''

''sweet dreams babe. i'll call you tomorrow''

''you too.'' i manage to say and hang up just to fall back into my bed with a great sigh

I felt like i was in cloud 9, and i wanted to remain there forever