Saturday, 19 May 2012

journal of an "Old flame" III


 His eyes widen in recognition but i just stare dumbly at him like someone who was deaf and dumb...everywhere felt like it had gone quiet and i could hear a BUZZ sound...
i held unto that....
''it's been 3 years after graduation" i remind myself and wish some sort of interruption would happen before i enter the ground. thats definitely going to happen after(which im sure of) he shakes his head and says a dreaded Line.."sorry, i thought i knew you from somewhere. Your face looks familair...and other stuff
''Lori?'' he cocks his head to look directly into my eyes. ''Lori Williams?''

             The mall seemed to have gone smaller at the full realization that HE remembered my name
Danny Olawaye!!! first and Only Crush in medical school and partially presently...Now..knew my  name, He actually remembered my name.
i  was glad i was black or else my face would have been as Red as a tomato
i squint my eyes and tried to say something
"anything!'' i yell in my head
"sorry?'' it was more of a question especially when my brain was still trying to boot
"Danny...'' he extended his hand. "Dan Olawaye..., your classmate in Medical school.''
"oh!'' i laugh to myself and He joins me to laugh.
How in the world did i fake that?!
"wow!...its been years...''
i nod dumbly hoping not to say something that would make me sound like a Fool
"you Look great!...' he shakes his head and i dont know if i imagined His eyes move to my left finger but i have sharp eyes, no doubt and i could tell at a glance what anyone was up to
i felt pathetic that He might see me as an unmarried woman at my age...thats if He knew but i just felt unsecure at that moment of my life
it was then i realized i might actually need those special prayers Grandmama was talking about
i was going to the Family Church this Sunday(Baptist Church)...that was actually where i had grown up before i moved into school, joined a different fellowship and started going to a Pentecostal Church(redeemed)
My parents didn't mind though

               Mom was just bothered i was beginning to look Anorexic(i developed bad eating habits in school due to my schedule and i didn't improve after school)
and Here Danny was telling me i look great while He looked. so.........#sweet sigh#...
i'm glad for one thing though, I have a mind where all this can go On
''you've really changed.'' He continued.."his gaze goes to my hair and he does that thing he does with his eyes. (NB...i noticed this after so many years of crushing on Him in school. But he hadnt done it to me then...He had done it to Angel)
My head snaps up at that realization and my reality Hits me in the face again.
and that was the Perfect Time for Addie to show up
"hey you..'' she nudges me from behind. ''someone's gone shopping without Me and the Trolley.'' she scolds playfully before Her eyes land on Danny
"whoa!> what have we got here...'' she mumbles into my ear and within me i pray desperately that Danny ignored her statement.
she'd been warned several times about Her tongue but she just wont give in. i was glad she didnt know about he crush thing, if not, Her big mouth would spill it all out
i grab her hand and even within my smile, i squeeze her hand tightly
''Hi...'' he greets her casually.
"Hellooo...'' she drawls flirtatiously and i cringed. where in the world did Addie learn that stupid dumb.....errrk move'' even i could do better
''yeah right.'' that annoying voice says inside of me. ''like you did for seven years without getting the guy and He's standing right before you and all you can do is smile and let your heart flap wildly like a bird in a cage'
''i act wisely.'' i tell myself
"Humor me..'' the voice retorts and i swallow and decided to walk away now
"Phew!!...thats all for today.'' i say loudly and grabbing the trolley from Her walked over to the counter knowing fully well she would run after me.
that was the good part of Her. Family first, especially when i knew she would have sensed something wrong in my mood change...

I arranged my things on the counter and was about digging into my purse when Danny had appeared so fast beside me and was bringing out his wallet.
"5,500 naira'' the girl at the counter spoke up and he rested his hand on my arm in a friendly gesture
"let me take care of it.'' he says and he hands her the money.
"you shouldn't have.''
''i should.'' he smiles softly at me and pays for his own groceries too.
all the while Addie stood there, watching me with a raised eyebrow and a playful smile on her lips and i knew i wasnt going to be free till i told her the whole story
 we stroll outside to where the car was parked. I had borrowed Mom's car and i wish i could get inside fast enough to breathe easily. but that was before He came up to me again.
"well?'' he looks at me questioningly
"what?''...i ask wondering if He expected me to pay Him back for the groceries He paid for
"your number...'' he brings out his phone. ''i lost most of my contacts when we left school and all.''
''oh right!...number..'; i give hm my digits, he flashes me and winks at me.
"i'll call you.'' he tells me before heading to his exotic ride.
"i wont count on it.'' i mutter to myself as i entered the car

Addie was quiet throughout the drive home and i felt a temporary sense of relief. i was trying to put my thoughts in order and keep those hidden memories of Danny away
                David's face shows up(the nice guy Temi set me up with last year and how i had been contemplating if i should move on with him or not and if he's God's will for my life.i know i should put the latter first but i don't know whats been happening to me lately. but at least that has made Grandmama relax on my case i guess)

I feel so ashamed of myself.
I thought it was over.
I thought i had moved on
I thought i was walking according to God's plan for my life and was happy
but why do i feel this dull ache in my heart longing and hoping for something i shouldn't
why do i feel i'm treading on dangerous but delicious grounds
the wicked flame was consuming me and i prayed silently. hoping today had been like every other day
as for the other side of me, it wanted that adventure
just like the adventure i had had with Addie in our childhood days
i wasn't proud of it but its been put behind us
 i think i'm writing about that next

To be continued>>>>.......................



  1. That crush had a mighty strong hold over her...wondering if he knew the effect he had on her?


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