journal of an Old Flame V

          

              Addie enjoys tormenting me!!!
I know she does and i feel i can do something about it but i don't want to
is it me or the way i was built or rather, created
i told her half of the story and i can see her looking at me like i was crazy when i told her it's just merely infatuation
......ohhh how i hate it when she uses the 'F' word with me. i'm censoring her language for the sake of my journal
"you call that infatuation?!!!" she looks at me with that "duuuh?!!!'' look and i'm like STHU(shut the hell up)...i gave up the F word a long time ago myself.
"well, what else can it be?'' i try as much as possible to concentrate on the sweet potatoes i'm frying.
"you've been in love with that Hot guy for let me see...she raises her eyes to the ceiling and does some sort of stupid count which irritates me the more and looks at me..."more than seven years now...''
''i don't think so.'' i try to tell myself more than her
"well, the way i'm seeing things, if you don't make a move, you're gonna remain a virgin till God knows when...'' she lets her eyes stroll down my body and takes a swig of bottled water.
i was about to say something when she raises her hands to me.."and please...not that bullshit talk of.."she mimics me.."i want to remain a virgin for my future husband and God wont be pleased if i have sex outside marriage''
            I feel hurt but i dont show it. i just try and remain calm and dish the brown potatoes.
I think she notices it. she's been with me for that long and so she comes close to me, turns off the gas and holds my face.
"I love you Moyo..'' she brings her face close to mine and at first i dread that she's going to do something funny but she hugs me instead. '' and i hate it when you settle for less or feel like you don't deserve someone like this Danny guy. lets make Seyi eat her words.
seyi was one of my friends in school who had hurt me real deep. sometimes, you hurt people with your words and you don't know till the truth slaps you in the face. Seyi's one of the people i remember before writing my Old flame journal. 

         She had been seeing this cute guy from a different school and she had been all over Him. my spirit didn't just agree with Him the first time i saw Him and He had some kind of "wandering eyes"...i know i'm not a relationship detector but i know when someone smells fishy. i thought it was just a fling and since we were roomates back in medical school and we attended the same fellowship, she was one of my close friends at that time and so i told her to take things easy
and then the next thing i'll hear is she was getting serious with this anonymous guy. i' gonna tag Him ''X'' cos even remembering His name makes me angry.
i try telling her to take it easy but she tells me she feels God is leading her into this relationship and they were soon going to get engaged.
and then the most dreadful thing happens and i hate it when i remember it cos i'm like why didn't i break his nose or his filthy hands to serve as a reminder?
he comes to our room one afternoon when i least expect Him and when Seyi had choir rehearsals(this usually lasted for about 2hours or more)..i'm sure the Pig would have known and so he felt it was the right time to make His move
         I was in shorts and a long Mickey mouse Tshirt draped over the shorts making me look i wore nothing underneath and he had caught me unaware
"Seyi's not in.''i had told him politely with that fake smile i had learned to plaster on my face. for my friend's sake, i tolerated Him
"can i still come in?'' he smiled seductively and i felt my Red light flashing. i ignored it..i was probably imagining things.Guys hardly looked my way anyway so i shouldn't get myself flattered..i warned myself
"sure.'' i replied. he had been to our room several times and so he entered easily removing his shoes and settling on his girlfriend's bed. i had completely forgotten my laps were exposed and Mr wandering EYE had already started feeding his flesh to it.

Red lights flashed again and i wished i had thrown something on...better than the shorts i was wearing but i just wanted to feel relaxed and it was a girl's hostel anyway
the room was quiet for a while and i placed my earplugs in my ear, picked up my jotter and continued my reading on my bedside table trying as much as possible to ignore the guy and avoid him from looking further at my legs and so i face the window.
at least, all He will be able to see would be my clothed back
but before i know it, i feel hands going up my thigh and hands already up my Tshirt...right on my stomach

I jerked off my chair and my phone, jotter and earplugs go crashing on the floor

I look at him waiting for a good explanation...Silly me, when i should have satisfied my shaking hands by giving him two hot sound slaps but i was still thinking of Seyi (my roommate)...if only she was thinking the way i had been thinking about her, then we might have still been friends now
"c'mon baby, don't try and ignore the chemistry between us..'' he comes closer to me and out of impulse, i raise my textbook in defence...
Smh!!!...like that could keep him away
''you have a girlfriend!;;i blurted out. ''a fiancee!!!''
''you said fiancee, not wife...''he licks his upper lip as his eyes strolls to my legs again and i feel like throwing up. How could my friend stoop so low to date a fool like this...talkless of marry Him
"aren't you afraid i might tell her?''
"and hurt her feelings...i know you too well to try and break your friend's heart knowing pretty well i'm the world that revolves round her. you may look quiet and complicated on the outside, but right inside there, i know what you look like. Seyi talks a lot about you y'know and she believes me more than you and so you've got yourself in a box sweetheart''
"get out!'' i yell at him, rolling my eyes at Him and making sure i slam the door loudly behind Him.
i had felt so ruined and destabilized. what was i going to do.i had to tell Seyi. she couldn't marry a Male prostitute!!!, a Proud one at that...ohh how i wish i had done something more that day!!!
well, to cut the long story short, i told her and she looked at me like i was telling one of those cinderella stories where Cinderella doesn't even have a fairy godmother and so where can she get her dress and how will she even get the prince in the first place

There were No glass slippers!!!
There were never glass slippers!! that's how my story sounded in her ears

''why don't you believe me?'' i ask looking at her trying not to shout at her or Hit some perfect sense into her
she looks up at me then and her eyes strolls over my body in a "duuhh..what-do-you-have- that- i don't have'' kind of way and shakes her head.."i find it hard to believe he'll make a pass at you. i mean...#she laughs briefly#...c'mon babe!!...you're not just the type..i mean..no offense but...''
but she didn't have to say more. the chill down my spine was enough to make my tongue go dry and i knew i had never felt insulted all my life. Her look had done the major part but her words had struck the dagger right in, and she didn't leave it there, she turned it so that she could see me bleed
it was then i wished i had knocked her head and her boyfriend's heads together like coconuts!!!SMH

It didn't take long before I heard about "X's downfall and i really felt satisfied. I was no longer her roommate but when i heard the gist, my heart did that joyful leap and i gloated inwardly. i knew she cried. she wasn't even herself for days and sometimes she hardly came to class. she had to repeat a whole year in medical school and i acted like i didn't know her.
i knew i should have relaxed but i just wasn't going to. she was eating her words and i wanted her to come to me and apologize but she didn't. instead, she soaked herself in her newfound misery with her other friends and i watched her like a tragic movie only i wasn't the One crying.
              She was
I felt terrible at one point but the evil side of me wanted to justify everything and keep the Holyspirit silent.
I had never felt so evil till now...all my life..and when i remember it all, i feel i have to look for her and tell her i'm sorry for everything...i might not have been at fault, but she was my friend
well, that was How our friendship ended
"do you guys mind telling me what in the world is going on?'' Temi's voice interrupts our embrace and Addie release me almost immediately and smiles sweetly
"Nothing Auntie....''