We've been best friends ever since but the day I realized she was going to leave me quite soon, that day was the day I peeped through the windows of eternity.The garden we had taken shelter was lush green filled with d beauty of God's creation. She was with me today and I couldn't contain my joy.Her chemotherapy was due again tomorrow and she had begged to spend today with me.It had been four years we got the bad news about her health and I remembered how angry and sad I had been.It was a combination of emotions, mixed feelings about God and life.about everything.
She was only 12years old and she had a large heart for everyone and everything around her.her blue eyes shone when we were together and when she talked about nature. It was like We shared the same views about life but after seeing my best friend going through pain,her blue eyes that shone was starting to look dull when compared to the blue sea I spent last night watching as the tears came again.Her beautiful ebony hair had started to fall off.I remember her Dad talking to my Mum that she had Alopecia. I remember that word so clearly. Mum had later explained to me that it was a medical term for hair falling off due to the side effects of her chemotherapy.I was beginning to drift away and I knew it.I had bitterness against God and against the disease itself. I desperately wanted my friend to stay with me.I had no one else.
When my dog died last year,my second best friend in the world....,Sammie and I had buried him together and she had cried so much you would think the dog was for her and not mine. As the older one(just two years older)I tried to act strong but she nudged me and told me it was okay to cry and that was when it came pouring down like a pool.I was going to lose 2 best friends in just 2 yrs.God was not being fair to me at all and I wondered what I had done wrong to deserve all this.
Sunday school had taught us about a Loving God but I couldn't see any of that.
We sat down together after our sandwich and juice we'd sipped together from the same cup.It was then I picked my guitar and sat cross-legged on the lush green in our favorite hideout.I looked into her eyes and smiled forcing myself to be strong seeing the vulnerability in her face as she sat staring at me confused.
"do you have a song for me"
I could see the light return to her face and I felt encouraged as my fingers settled on the strings. I felt my throat going dry as I began Carrie Underwood's "Don't forget to remember me"
Carrie was our favorite artiste since we spent most of our childhood in the country side of Oklahoma. Briefly I remember how she loved singing "I ain't in Cheecotah anymore' and how we would gyrate to d song together laughing and raising our voice like we were the only ones that existed.
As I sang,I held so tightly to the lyrics and replaced the part of "mother" with Sammie and at that moment wished I could take her place.Sammie smiled after I ended my acoustic version.
"don't forget to remember me' she sighed looking into my eyes as she embraced me.
After a little tears and a little chat about how she hated the way she had to stay in bed most times and the new friends she had made in the hospital,she stood up abruptly and stared ahead.for a while,she stood transfixed and I began to wonder what she had seen and if everything was alright.
And then so suddenly Sammie ran like I had never seen in years.I stood shocked and would have choked when I shouted her name.I ran after her and all I could see was her back. finally,I caught up with her and stared at her like she'd gone crazy. Where in the world did all her strength come from? she was meant to be reserving energy not trying to use up everything.
Before I could talk or yell at her,she had this wide eyed look and asked me pointing to a spot where all I could see were trees.
"did u see him?'
Who?!"I blurted out
I cocked an eyebrow and looked at her like she'd gone out of her mind." It was probably the sickness."I told myself. My friend was beginning to see things.
I couldn't hold myself from blurting out,aware of the sarcasm dripping in my voice
"seriously, really....,so Jesus has a new hideout?"
I thought she would laugh and then I would join her but to my dismay,she frowned and looked at me like I'd gone crazy.
''I'm not seeing things Marie!"she scolded.I know what I saw and it was so real. how else do you think I could run that fast.where did all that energy come from?'
'I was beginning to ask myself that same question'' I replied.
And then,a big smile came to her face and for the first time in a while,I saw her blue eyes sparkle and she embraced me so tightly and the next words she said shook my world.
''I could tell He couldn't wait to take me home' she whispered into my ears. His eyes were the most amazing eyes I've ever seen.I told him I couldn't go through this pain anymore and he looked sad when I said so.but he assured me soon.he knows how you feel about me leaving and he says I should tell you I'm in better hands."
I didn't know when I broke into tears.I had been so selfish,refusing to let go not thinking of the pain Sammie was going through. I was finding it hard to let go...to say goodbye and all she wanted was to end the pain.I remembered the days she complained of how she wished she could live with the cancer than go through the pain of chemotherapy.
But I had waved that thought aside. Now her Savior was coming to take her home. What she had always wanted and I was too blind to see that all these years. Even with the bitterness that had been in my heart against God, he had left her because of me. now,my time with her was almost due and I still acted like an ingrate. It was at that moment of my life I realized how wrong I had been about her ailment all along.The most important thing was that Jesus was definitely taking the wheel of her life and I was sure of her eternity.I wanted to be sure of mine too and that was when I said "don't forget to remember me.when u get there,please tell him to be on d look out for me.I'm definitely coming to join you.''
Her laughter sounded like honey in my ears.It sounded different this time.the kind of laughter that showed how happy you were from within and right there,I asked for mercy and forgiveness.
"I won't" she replied
She left me on earth one week after.
p.s> I should have dedicated this to Toin a while ago(due to her friend's loss and all of that. promised her i would and so here goes), I guess its better late than ever
your love for Carrie Underwood...well, hope it fits...her song actually inspired the story..i had written it since last year and so I decided to make it public